353. External Validation is Causing Your Chronic Pain + How To Need LESS Of It!

You post something on social media, then check your phone a hundred times to see how many people have liked it. If there aren’t too many likes, you get your feelings hurt and decide that “no one cares”?

You are the friend who tends to give more in friendships than the other person. You often feel hurt but then still think you haven’t done enough. Do you try even harder to make sure your friend knows how much you care?

You wear something new and ask your husband if it looks good. He says yes. Do you still think that “he only said it because he’s my husband and it actually probably sucks”?

Are you the person at work who does more than anyone else, stays in the office longer than anyone else, sacrifices her workouts and self-care time just because you want to be seen as the best employee?

If any of these examples described you, you need a lot of external validation to feel good about yourself. But the problem is that you want it from everyone, and that’s just not possible! Besides, even when you get that approval and validation from someone you wanted to get it from, you will always find the next situation where you need that approval, and the next person who needs to validate you. The feeling of “Ahhhh, I’m so glad that this person liked me!” will NEVER last.

Am I right?

When was the last time you got validation from someone and then were actually satisfied and at peace for a few days? Never! There’s always the next thing, next situation, next person…

This topic is very close to my heart because I have relied on other people’s validation a lot in my life, too. Of course, the other side of the same coin of needing validation from others is feeling very insecure in ourselves. We think that other’s approval will fix the insecurity. And this — feeling very insecure in ourselves, then pushing ourselves to do #allofthethings in the world, to be liked by others — creates the level of stress and tension that now starts to manifest as chronic pain.

In today’s episode we’re going to do a deep dive into external validation. I will also share plenty of personal experiences and also several tools that have helped me to reduce this need for validation. I hope this episode will be helpful for you!

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